Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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