I hate all girls vehemently.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
