I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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