so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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