the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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