I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
