If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
