He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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