saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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