If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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