we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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