needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
