Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
