he shaved USA in his pubs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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