Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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