I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
