I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
