someone owes me an orgasm
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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