yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
