I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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