he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
