But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
