what day is it and did you see me today?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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