i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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