Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
