just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
