Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
