is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
