I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
