you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
