Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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