You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
