just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can tuck mytits in my pants
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
