i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
third nipple confirmed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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