somebody snuck up and got me drunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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