I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
