So drunk, too bad you don't want this
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
