i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
