About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
