i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
