Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
