That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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