What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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