i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
