never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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