just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
