My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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