I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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