I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
