Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
