if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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