I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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