I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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