This is not my ceiling
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And then he peed in my hair
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