grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
